TextFiles: The Lost Causes of a Broken Heart
by Silver Renagade
Summary: A Round Robin of epic proportions! [ZADR] All authors can be found on deviantart under their respective names.
1. Chapter 1: Of Fools and Folly

**Text-Files: The Lost Causes of a Broken Heart**

**Rating**: PG-13

**Warnings**: It's cute ZADR. :o

**Disclaimer**: None of the characters featured in this fic belong to me or any of the other writers. They all belong respectively to Jhonen Vasquiz

**Author of this chapter**: Silver-Renagade

**CHAPTER 1: Of Fools and Folly**

They had known each other for years. Zim always trying to destroy earth and Dib constantly foiling his plans. Yes, they knew each other so well, one could swear they were an item. Joined at the hip. Where one lead, the other always followed, often with a deadly laser under his shirt.

It was odd how their intense rivalry grew into an even more intense friendship. No, they weren't aware of how close they had become. How their usual bickers and attempts to kill each other had more become a giant game of cat-and-mouse. A twisted bout of tag where if you could catch the other, you'd earn bonus points in the form of recognition.  
Within the past year, however, Zim had started to "liven" things up a bit. Dib had began to grow bored of their games, favoring instead the girlish wiles of teenage females. Angered, Zim had come up with a plan that would make their games "interesting" again.

Instead of water balloons and laser beams, Zim's first attack in over a week was surprising even to the student body who ALL knew he was about as strait as a pretzel. Zim marched up to Dib and stood face to face with him in the hall, blocking the teen's usual path and, in one swift movement, grabbed a hold of his shirt as though he was about to beat the shit out of the angst-ridden teen. What followed, however, was no fist but the warm lips of the Irken pressed against Dib's own pale mouth.  
Widened eyes and stifled giggles followed as they stood like that, locked in a kiss, for over three minutes. What Zim hadn't counted on was awakening Dib's own side of the rainbow with that one simple kiss. Yes, that small gesture was the key to unlocking a whole new ballgame, this time no rules applies.

So now we turn to the present day. Dib Membrane and Zim are now in hi skool, still playing their games of cat-and-mouse only this time it's mashed together with seven seconds in heaven, and our little Irken hero just hit the baseball into left field as he began to run towards first base...

------

Stealthy Irken legs led the teen to Dib's locker. He'd seen this ritual done plenty of times before, so he knew how to execute it perfectly. Pulling the letter from his pocket, he slipped it into the locker before him then ran off to class.  
It was a painful hour of class and hour of lunch. Zim wasn't sure if his irken patience could handle it for much longer. But he had to endure. He had no choice. The Dib didn't check his locker until after lunch so he could exchange the books from his previous classes with the ones for his next classes. He was worried that maybe his message would be too unclear for the Dib to understand. Maybe he would confuse it with one from a girl!

The Irken was now having second thoughts and once the lunch bell rang, he was on his feet and running for that familiar locker. Sadly though, the Dib had beaten him to it. He watched in anguish as nimble hands fingered the love letter in his hands, a surprised look on his face.

Zim bit his tongue as he watched those fingers open the envelope and those amber eyes scan the words written there.

Dib-

I don't know how to say this, so I'm going to be very blunt. Forgive me if it makes you confused or anything.

I love you.

Now I'm not good at this but---(these words are illegible as they are furiously scribbled out)---I just want---(more scribbles)---you---(scribble scribble scribble)---so please love me too.

(The next part is slightly scribbled out, but still legible)Love, Zim!! I mean, anonymous.

Dib just stood there, unsure of what to think. That name looked an awful lot like "Zim" to him. He turned to stare at the Irken, unable to find any words to speak. Kicking himself mentally, he watched the Irken blush and run down the hall. He frowned. Should he follow him? But what would he say...?


	2. Chapter 2: The Lewdest of Thoughts

**Text-Files: The Lost Causes of a Broken Heart**

**Rating**: PG-13

**Warnings**: Mild swearing

**Disclaimer**: None of the characters featured in this fic belong to me or any of the other writers. They all belong respectively to Jhonen Vasquiz

**Author of this chapter**: Death-Fairy01

**CHAPTER 2: The Lewdest of Thoughts**

Amber glazed as Dib entered intense thought, unmindful of his skool peers, not noticing as the masses in the halls gradually began to thin. 'What should I say? "No?" "Uh…" Yeah, that one is really eloquent. Moving on… "I like somebody else" No, I can't lie either. Hm… "I'd be honored! Zim, make me your love-monkey!!" "What!?" That time, his exclamation was verbal, echoing in the nearly empty corridor. Pushing the matter of what to do with Irken to the back of his mind, he blinked, at last realizing how lonely his little spot was. Quirked a brow, he lifted his arm, a dark sleeve shifting to reveal a watch adorning a pale wrist. His eyes widened at the time displayed. "Shit!" In that moment, his thoughts were empty of everything except getting to class on time. He'd handle the Zim situation later.  
False lavender lenses darkened with self-invoked humiliation, jade skin flaring to a brilliant emerald shade. Zim leaned back against the wall of lockers, cursing himself for his foolishness. 'Fool! Why would you do that? Invaders need no one!' He frowned at that last point, serrated teeth biting deeply into a thin lower lip. He knew, after years of being stuck on this filthy planet, that surviving on his own was an impossibility. He needed Gir, as loath as he was to admit it, and he needed the Dib. The former for steadfast loyalty and as a stress relief. The other, well, the human gave his life purpose. It was only recently that he had come to understand just how much the teen meant to him.

As his musings strayed back to Dib, his flush returned, nearly double in force as well. Lavender narrowed in aggression as he remembered the look on the other's face, amber eyes opened wide in some indeterminable emotion. In his paranoid mindset, he could come up with many explanations for the expression. Fear. That made sense for a few seconds, but he quickly disregarded it. The Dib wouldn't be afraid of something so petty. Disgust? That one held up for a bit longer. But his recent actions with the teen shredded that idea. If he truly despised contact with the Irken, he wouldn't have been so enthusiastic. So, that left his final option: confusion.

He chuckled bitterly at that realization, lithe shoulders trembling with self-mocking mirth. Well, the boy wasn't alone in that. For the past few days he'd been bewildered by his own feelings, doing his best to interpret alien sensations. The fact that he was already unstable only served to make the whole matter even more nerve-wracking. Poor Gir had suffered under the brunt of it. Speaking of the robot, deep eyes glittered as a desperate plan formed. It wouldn't do anything to help with Dib, but it would get him out of here. He gave a crooked grin as the communicator slid out of his pak, patiently waiting for his minion to answer the call.

Boots skittered against the tile floor as he dashed into the classroom, barely setting foot into it before the loud brassy ring echoed throughout the walls. A few feminine giggles sounded, bouncing back off the thin, plaster walls. He ignored the laughter, panting as he turned towards the teacher. She leveled a strict glared at him, a thin brow rising in ire. He smiled awkwardly at her before moving to take his seat.

A few of his classmates were still snickering and he simply shrugged it off. 'Nothing new.' He sprawled into his desk, already slouching in boredom. He cast dull amber to the ceiling, leaning backward gracelessly. He closed his eyes with a frustrated sigh. 'Why does it take so long for skool to end?' As was usual, he turned towards his attention to Zim's seat. It was his habit to look there whenever the teacher droned on.

Amber narrowed when it took in the empty desk. 'Where…oh.' He bit his lip, casting his eyes guiltily to the floor. He thought that he knew why the Irken wasn't there. He irately tugged a hand through his hair, ruffling the dark tendrils into disarray. The scythe lock ended up more skewed and more of his peers chuckled. 'Stupid! He probably thinks you hate him.' He growled as he mentally reprimanded himself. It didn't help that all his points were right.  
It had taken him awhile to reach his robotic minion, but in the end, like always, Gir pulled through. He gave the defective S.I.R. a distracted pat as he stalked tiredly into his base. He slumped back onto the lumpy couch, grunting and squirming to get comfortable. He squeaked as his backside came into contact with something squishy and wet. He reached down in disgust, sticking out his tongue at what covered his hand. "Gir…" He shook his head as he shook the cake patter free. He didn't want to know why that was on the couch.

He sighed in exhaustion, lying back against the filth-encrusted furniture. He weakly tugged the contact lens from his eyes, ruby blinking tiredly at their surroundings. With a half-hearted pull, the wig was thrown haphazardly to the floor. Now free antennae twitched upward briefly before lowering in drowsiness and dejection. The Invader gave a shaky stretch and yawned widely. Curling in on himself, he fell back onto the dirty cushions and fell into a stressful sleep.  
Dib strolled up to the Invader's home with an intense focus. Throughout the skool day, his thoughts had gotten the better of him, torturing the poor boy with all of the terrible things Zim was probably feeling. It had gotten so bad that he had faked being sick. The Nurse hadn't been fooled, but he'd persuaded her to get himself sent home anyway.

So, here he stood, poised uncomfortably outside of the Irken's front door. Amber eyes were glinting behind his glasses as he rolled his shoulders back, his breaths coming in deep breaths as he tried to calm down. Closing his eyes and taking a deep exhale; he knocked on the door, waiting for a response from within the base. "Zim?"


	3. Chapter 3: Mild Stupidity

**Text-Files: The Lost Causes of a Broken Heart**

**Rating**: PG-13

**Warnings**: Nothing major. :3

**Disclaimer**: None of the characters featured in this fic belong to me or any of the other writers. They all belong respectively to Jhonen Vasquiz

**Author of this chapter**: Andalite-bandit6

**CHAPTER 3: Mild Stupidity of the Irken Kind**

The knocking on Zim's front steps felt like they were being made against his own skull. He hadn't gotten any rest at all, and in fact he felt more tired than before. This combination made him VERY irritable.

"Computer!" he said in annoyance. "Disintegrate whoever's at the door! I'm in no mood to deal with anymore human filthies today!"

That said, he rolled over onto his stomach and covered his head with a filthy throw pillow.

The computer was busy playing 'Pong' and didn't feel like getting the door either. "Uh-huh," it muttered dutifully as it activated the house gnomes and put them on auto-pilot.

"Zim? Hey, Zim, open up! I need to talk to y..."

Dib cut himself short at the familiar humming that was the sound of machinery waking up. He turned to face the squadron of Santa's Village rejects bearing down on him, their glassy eyes glowing red as they spotted their target.

"Er... Zim? ZIM! Come on, I just wanted to- eep!"

Dodging the first volley of lasers Dib combat rolled to the side, leaping atop the only lawn decorations not attacking him, the blowfish.

"ZI... GIR!" Dib changed tactics on a whim. "Pizza delivery!"

"ZAAA!" screeched a flying robot, as it slammed into him from atop the roof. How come Dib hadn't seen him up there?

"Oof!" Dib said as he and the SIR unit collided with and uprooted the entire left side of the security system.

"WHERE IS IT?! WHERE IS EET?! Does it gots bacon bits in it? And soap? I likes the bubbles!"

"Um," Dib peeked at the two remaining gnomes and realized he was still in danger. "I already delivered it! It's inside your house somewhere! Let me in and I'll help you look!"

"Ooo, Hide-and-Squeek!" Gir clapped his hands together joyfully. "Me and Moose play that all the time! You get to be the 'penguin'!"

Plopping a little purple octopus plushy on Dib's head, Gir took his hand and zoomed towards the house amidst another burst of laser fire... straight for the solidly closed 'Mens room' door.

"AAAHHH!" Dib cried, shielding his face with his free hand.

"AHHH!" cried Zim as woke up to the sound of his front door exploding and something slammed up against his couch.

"YOU'RE IT!" cried Gir racing to hide, rather obviously, in a corner of the room.

"Wah?" Zim looked from Gir to the door and back several times, each time repeating "Wah?"

"Oww..." came a sound from the end of Zim's couch.

"Wah?" said Zim.

As the owner of the voice stood up, Zim was torn between throwing the boy out and throwing himself upon him. He decided the usual greeting was in order.

"DIB-STINK! YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE! WELL YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT THAT IT'S HIDDEN IN THE TOP DRAWER OF MY BASEMENT STORAGE CABINET NEXT TO THE PLANS FOR THE LASER WEASELS! NEVER!"

"You just told me it's in the top drawer of your basement storage cabinet next to your plans for the laser weasels..." Dib said irritably as he stood brushing dirt and octopus from his hair. "But, no, I'm not here for your stupid bee! (Though the weasels sound like something I should investigate later). I just want to TALK."

Dib took a step forward, causing Zim to scamper back, trip over himself, and fall on his little irken butt. His first reaction was to sulk. Of all beings in the universe, why did he have to fall for one with such an ENORMOUSLY large head? "AHH! GET AWAY FROM MY ORGANS!" Zim reached out and threw the first thing his hand came in contact with at the human.

Dib caught the couch seat as it came flying at him and used it as a shield while continuing to advance on the invader. "Hey, cut it out! I'm not here to capture and expose you today, alright?" Dib reached into his pocket and pulled out the note with a free hand. "You're the one who wrote this, aren't you?"

"LIES!" Zim leapt to his feet and pointed defiantly at the scribble covered parchment.

Dib held the letter up above his make-shift shield. "I'm pretty sure that's your name scribbled out at the bottom of the note."

"FILTHY HUMAN LIES!" Zim was shaking a little now. "YOU HAVE NO PROOF!"

Dib dangled the note in his hand. "I'm kinda holding the proof an inch above my head. Stop being stupid!"

"NEVER!" Zim screeched, extending his spider legs to tower over his lov- er, despised enemy!

"Oh yeah?! Well you..." Dib shook his head. He didn't come here for this. "You... like me, right?"

Zim faltered in his righteous indignation. "Um... N-NO!" He blushed unwittingly. "Or... maybe."

His spider legs collapsing back into his PAK, Zim stood, looking a little shy and mooshing his foot in the ground in front of him. "That is, if Zim were even CAPABLE of such a pathetic emotion, he might possibly, probably, perhaps, hypothetically like you... a little... _maybe_."

"Really?" Dib lowered his eyes, pondering the consequences of his next actions. It could be he was doing the right thing for the wrong reasons... or maybe the wrong thing for the right reasons. Or maybe the wrong thing for the wrong reason. Or maybe he shouldn't have replaced that last empty soda can back in the fridge... but eventually decided to go ahead with it. "Well, what would you do if I said-"

"Say what?" Zim looked up at him.

"If I said that-"

"WHAT?!"

"That I might-"

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!"

"I'M SAYING-"

"JUST SAY IT ALREADY!"

"I MIGHT LIKE YOU TOO!"

"... WHAAAAAT?!"

Dib took a breath and calmed himself. "I said-"

"Zim heard what you said!" Zim replied huffily. "No need to yell at me, earth-monkey!"

Dib grit his teeth. Why was he doing this again? Saving the world or something like that...

"Okay. Alright... so it's established that we might possibly, probably, perhaps, hypothetically like each other. Now what? Our life goals kinda clash... you gonna give up invading Earth now or something?"

Zim smiled arrogantly. Finally an Earth matter he knew more about than the resident worm-baby!

"Heeheeheeeee!" he cackled, grinning knowingly and advancing on the Dib. "Foolish Dib-stink! It is very obvious to Zim what must happen _now_..."

Dib gulped, not liking the look in Zim's eyes and taking a step back, holding the sofa seat protectively to his chest. "Oh y-yeah? And what's that?"


	4. Chapter 4: When did Pain Equal Peace

**Text-Files: The Lost Causes of a Broken Heart**

**Rating**: PG-13

**Warnings**: Implications of sexuality, blood and some swearing. Yum!

**Disclaimer**: None of the characters featured in this fic belong to me or any of the other writers. They all belong respectively to Jhonen Vasquiz

**Author of this chapter**: Ru-shin

**CHAPTER 4: Since When did Pain Equal Peace**

Zim grinned wickedly as he approached the human; cocking his head to the side he cackled softly and hissed "Oh, I wouldn't want to ruin the _surprise_, Dib." He grabbed hold of the seat cushion that the boy was so foolishly hiding behind, and tossed it aside-- pleased with the squeak of surprise that issued from the Dib's lips.

Dib was startled when his protection, as puny as it was, was torn away from him. He began to skitter backwards, he was beginning to wonder if he had made the right decision when he had told Zim that he might like him…He gulped soundlessly, and looked around. He had somehow backed himself into a corner. Great. He looked back towards the Irken that was eyeing him closely, still steadily making his way towards him. He cleared his throat and tried to smile convincingly "…well…you see…I uh—I don't really like surprises too much, ya know?"

The alien snickered at the human's pathetic attempts to move away from him. It was amusing, really. He placed his hands against the wall on either side of the boy's head, allowing his tongue to slither out mere inches from the other's cheek. "You'll like this one Dib-stink…" he began as he leaned forward and whispered in the teen's ear "_I guarantee it._"

Dib shivered as the alien tongue accidentally brushed against the ridge of his ear. The words caused an unexpected thrill to rush through him, and he released a shuddering breath. He looked to the floor, not really knowing how to reply to what the Irken had said. Why was he so flustered all of a sudden? He shook his head slightly; he couldn't deny the feelings that were welling up within him. Perhaps his Father was right…perhaps he was insane, but...whatever Zim was doing to his neck was causing his breath to hitch and he suddenly didn't care if his Father was right or not.

Zim resisted the urge to bite at the boy's earlobe, settling on hovering just above the neck, his breath caressing the skin. His breath warm and moist, he blew a small stream of air through the hair at the nape of the boy's head, waiting for a verbal response of some kind. When he received nothing more than a quickened heartbeat and a shudder, he grinned. The human had succumbed much quicker than he had expected.

He brought his hands from the wall, and down to the Dib's hips, pulling him away from the wall and closer to his own body. He smirked as he quickly guided the boy down to floor, laying him on his back so that he was hovering over him. He sat on the boy's hips and captured his wrists, pinning them above his head against the floor and thus preventing the human from moving around. He grinned slyly and brought his hand behind himself, and fingered something in his back pocket.

Dib clung to Zim's arms as he was lowered to the floor, unsure of how he should be reacting to the situation. His stubborn side told him to fight, that something was not quite right about this, but a larger portion was quite pleased with the way things were going…His eyes widened as his arms were pinned above his head. If Zim and he were really going to… to…He closed his eyes and shuddered. He was nervous and a little frightened….but God…the Irken's skin against his own felt so good…  
Zim slipped a small metal object from his back pocket, eyeing Dib closely. The human looked nervous, and he had every right to be. The Irken smiled maliciously and pressed a small button on the object in his hand. With an audible _shiiick_ a blade appeared—sharp and glistening in the light. He brought the blade down the down the boy's abdomen, finally bringing the edge under the hem of the shirt and slicing it to the neck in one quick motion.

Dib's eyes snapped open at the sound, it was so familiar…his eyes widened when they caught sight of the blade. His mouth flapped open and closed as he tried to formulate words. He wanted to object, to lash out and knock the weapon out of the alien's grasp, but he found himself too stunned to do anything. He watched flabbergasted as Zim cut away at his shirt. None of his wet drea- er...fanta- ah…thoughts! Had ever included knives…okay, well…maybe a few had…he gulped soundlessly, and a bead of sweat rolled down his brow.

Zim smiled down as he twirled the blade between his fingers. His expression was far from comforting. He was amused and slightly puzzled at Dib's reaction upon seeing the blade, how else was this to be done? He shook his head and muttered a 'Foolish human...' under his breath as he gazed down at the boy's exposed flesh, a reptilian grin graced his features once more as he spoke "Ironic how I easily I get to inflict pain upon you now…a few years ago any attempt I made would have been thwarted like…." he moved his hand in a circular motion as he thought "like a thwarted thwarty…thing."

He blinked a few times and focused once more on the boy that was pinned underneath him. Grinning once more he continued, "But don't worry, Dib-beast. It won't be **_that_** painful. His grin turned cat-like as he swiftly began to carve away at tender flesh, heedless of the yelps of pain the boy emitted.

Dib quickly found his voice at the first sting of the blade, "AH!" He tried to pull his wrists free of the alien's hold, but Zim was strong despite his lithe appearance. He struggled, grinding his teeth from the pain. He began to buck his hips, attempting to throw the Irken off. He put all his strength in one last thrust, successfully sending the little, green man flying. Lucky for him, it was at that exact moment that Zim had thrown his hands in the air and cried 'Success!'

Dib breathed heavily as he placed a hand over his bleeding chest, inspecting it. He glared in the Irken's direction, "What the _FUCK_ are you doing, Zim?! I thought we were going to...to…" His voice faded away as he scowled at the other and huffed childishly.

Zim was more than a little surprised as he thrown violently to the side. He stayed silent as he lay in the place he landed, blinking bewilderedly at the other. What was the human going on about? He scowled at the dark haired boy. "What do you mean 'What are you doing'? I was performing the _truce ritual_, you filthy earth worm!! What did you **_think_** I was doing?!" He sat up, and tossed the blade to the other. "It's your turn now, Dib-stink." He glared once more as he removed his Uniform top, revealing a lean, green upper frame. He pointed to the left side of his chest and continued, disgustedly "Carve whatever human symbol you affiliate yourself with here. Then we're bound by a physical peace treaty, until the day we cross it out…" He looked the boy over once more, still puzzled over what the boy thought he was doing.

Dib's face flushed scarlet at Zim's explanation. It should have been obvious that they would need to call a truce…He felt foolish for even thinking that Zim was going to—He coughed into a bloody fist as he averted his eyes. He caught the blade, staring at it. "Symbol…?" He let his gaze go back to the right side of his chest, brushing away the drying blood. There, contrasting greatly against his pale skin was the deep red image of the Irken Armada. It was sure to leave a scar, but then again that was the point.

He crawled over towards the Irken. Placing his hands on the other's shoulders, he pushed him gently against the wall. "I told you I wasn't fond of surprises, Zim." He smiled, trying to lighten the mood that had suddenly settled over the room. He stared at Zim's chest trying to think of what to carve. Coming to a decision, he set to work. He had every intention of being gentle, but after a few choice words from Zim he began to dig in deeper, trying to ignore the hiss of pain and the green blood that oozed thickly from the wound. He sighed wearily, pale from nausea and blood loss he backed away "There…finished." He smiled drearily and promptly fell over.

Zim watched as the human collapsed, sighing with disdain. Human's couldn't handle pain very well…he looked down at his chest curiously. Wiping away the blood he could see the Swollen Eyeball's insignia. He smirked. Why was he not surprised? He stood and picked up the human's limp form, and made his way towards the sick bay…


End file.
